new rules

New Rule: Stop that pop-up ad for Classmates.com!  There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years - you don't like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of  the football team is doing these days, mowing MY lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What Did you expect it to contain? Grade A Prime? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. (and that's just common sense) New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet, "you're a HUGE asshole. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli and almonds." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual, you're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport, its one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's white people's version of looting. (Send in the Vikings!) New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, I just want to wash my hands. (Everyone who remembers George Michael, raise your hand). New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." He's two, will do just fine. He's not a cheese and I didn't really care in the first place. (You can ask this question to determine if it really IS a cheese. The follow up question can be, 'How much a pound'). -- Charlie Griefer ================================================ "...All the world shall be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with a swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed."

I have to disagree with this one. > New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care > about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

As long as there are at least two, its all good. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I also disagree... a properly shaped brow can make a lot of difference in a face. I have mine professionally shaped every 3 weeks without fail. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Reshaping isn't bad, it's the removing and redrawing that looks ridicules after the five-o'clock shadow kicks in :) > I also disagree... a properly shaped brow can make a lot of difference in a face.  I have mine professionally shaped every 3 weeks without fail.

That's true... the trick is to pluck between shapings. I hate redrawing... never understood that. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

+10 ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I dunno.  I mean, as long as they're not Martin Scorsese eyebrows...I'd go along with this one. Really, has anybody ever been heard to say, "damn...check out the eyebrows on Angelina Jolie!"?  (altho, even if Angelina Jolie did have Scorsese eyebrows, I think I could take one for the team and still do what needed doin') :) ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I like tamed eyebrows, but really, if it comes down to a choice between well manicured eyebrows and a well manicured, um, well, you know where I'm going here.  Damn Google...grumble Charlie Griefer wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

well yeah, i guess i'd rather have a girl with martin scorsese eyebrows than sportin' a "martin scorsese" down in the most privates :) ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

If she ever ran into a plate glass window face first  I can see her having trouble peeling herself off the glass given those lips. They look like a suction cup. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I could help her.  :D ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I'd leave her stuck :) > I could help her.  :D

shouldn't that be a :O larry ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

:-Q I mean, if you get the chance, don't pass up some tongue! --Ben Larry C. Lyons wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

So the monobrow does it for you, huh? --Ben Kevin Graeme wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Charlie for President 2008 New Rule: Stop that pop-up ad for Classmates.com!  There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years - you don't like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of  the football team is doing these days, mowing MY lawn. New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What Did you expect it to contain? Grade A Prime? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive. New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. (and that's just common sense) New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet, "you're a HUGE asshole. New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass and it translates to "beef with broccoli and almonds." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual, you're just high. New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport, its one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's white people's version of looting. (Send in the Vikings!) New Rule, and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, I just want to wash my hands. (Everyone who remembers George Michael, raise your hand). New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." He's two, will do just fine. He's not a cheese and I didn't really care in the first place. (You can ask this question to determine if it really IS a cheese. The follow up question can be, 'How much a pound'). -- Charlie Griefer ================================================ "...All the world shall be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with a swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed."

I had to laugh at the Starbucks thing. I generally avoid the place but there is one in the library so I have been there a few times lately, and I just refuse to order a vente anything. I want a large, ok? LOL. The months thing makes sense though, as anyone who has had a two-year-old knows. That parent is reminding him or herself that eventually the child will no longer be two... Dana ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Just go up and, in your best hillbilly accent, ask for one of them vented coffee thangs. --Ben Dana wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

this is New Mexico ;) we don't have hillbillies we have ranchers. And I can't do the ranch accent, it requires that your ancestors have come here with Cortez. That's still pretty funny though ;) Dana ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I love Starbucks. A lot. A big lot. In fact I should go get some right now. Venti non-fat caramel macchiato. That's it... I'm going to get one. And some lunch. Yeah. Food too. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I prefer the local coffeeshops. If there isn't one I will go with Starbucks, or sometimes as at the library if there is every likelihood Iwill lose my parking space and not find another if I go anywhere. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I drink tea. --Ben Dana wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

i make a pot o coffee in the mornning stick it in a thermos & away i go. wife says it isnt healthy to drink a pot a day. i told her its better then 3.

nothing wrong with coffee -- tell her the flavinoids are good for you. If you have high blood pressure or heart problems the story might be a little different. > > i make a pot o coffee in the mornning stick it in a thermos & away i go. > wife says it isnt healthy to drink a pot a day. > > i told her its better then 3.

Depends on if you're after coffee or after coffee flavored candy drinks. Starbucks is great at the candy drinks. > I prefer the local coffeeshops. If there isn't one I will go with Starbucks, > or sometimes as at the library if there is every likelihood Iwill lose my > parking space and not find another if I go anywhere.

True... for regular coffee I often go with the Canadian institution --TIM HORTONS! ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

arggg... dooughnuts, the native Canadian food. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I'm fortunate / unfortunate... because I have a severe allergy to almonds/walnuts/hazelnuts I don't eat baking of any variety from a store.   They're not bad with warning against peanuts, but not as worried about the others... so it's not worth the risk. The moral of the story is that I am not even tempted by donuts. >arggg... dooughnuts, the native Canadian food.

At 3 or 4 in the morning that's not coffee, its a WMD. Or is that Salisbury House coffee? larry ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

cue Mike Dody, Bustin' Up A Starbucks... ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

> cue Mike Dody, Bustin' Up A Starbucks... Gad! I so wanted that album to be better... :-( -- will "If my life weren't funny, it would just be true; and that would just be unacceptable." - Carrie Fisher

I have only heard that one track... It's stuck in my head now ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Venti Non Fat Tazo Vanilla Latte, and an Almond Biscotti. nearly a daily event :) tw ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

The Vanilla Latte is always a good choice. I'm deathly allergic to almonds though... I better hold off on the almond biscotti. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

There are 2 starbucks related pieces here. Rather funny site. http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html >I had to laugh at the Starbucks thing. I generally avoid the place but there >is one in the library so I have been there a few times lately, and I just >refuse to order a vente anything. I want a large, ok? > LOL.

As long as there are no more and no less than two eyebrows its not the trimming of the eyebrows that I am concerned with. Confidentiality Notice:  This message including any attachments is for the sole use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please contact the sender and delete any copies of this message.

+1  My wife does waxings on many women and it makes all the difference in the world. M!ke I also disagree... a properly shaped brow can make a lot of difference in a face.  I have mine professionally shaped every 3 weeks without fail.

But, does she do them on you? ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Christ, I don't know how women do that to themselves. I mean, I trim and shave and all that, but hell, I tried to do the wax thing one time, and it about killed me. Also my wife tried to pluck my eyebrows once, shit that never happened again. Now I just shave them suckas. ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

I got my back waxed before I left for my weddingmoon.  That hurt like hell.  I agree, I don't know how you ladies deal with that. Tim Heald wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Did Ray just tell the list he has a hairy back? >I got my back waxed before I left for my weddingmoon.  That hurt like >hell.  I agree, I don't know how you ladies deal with that. > >Tim Heald wrote:

LOL...yes I guess I did. To be fair to myself, it's not like Tom Selleck hairy - just the mutants here and there.  Didn't want to be the mutant haired dude on the beach, you know. Jillian Koskie wrote: ----- Excess quoted text cut - see Original Post for more -----

Be honest... chewbacca suit? ;) >LOL...yes I guess I did. > >To be fair to myself, it's not like Tom Selleck hairy - just the mutants >here and there.  Didn't want to be the mutant haired dude on the beach, >you know.